Who: A couple who want to stay together, have agreed to do a disclosure and prepared for it with their individual therapists.
What: To help a partner share secrets in a way that is safe, especially in the cases of sexual addiction and infidelity. Without it, a couple struggles to rebuild trust in the relationship because the partner feels like there is a bomb that is just waiting to be dropped on them. Therefore, they remain hypervigilant and sensitive to any triggers or behaviors that could indicate another act of betrayal.
When: Both partners have to be ready and prepared for disclosure by and with their individual therapists who are trained and skilled to facilitate disclosures. The addict, or disclosing partner, has participated in a complete and honest inventory of their behaviors. The addict or disclosing partner must also be in a space of humility, surrender, and/or around their 3rd step.
The partner must have a support system/network in place and trust that network. And they must be able to hear it. This means that they have enough emotional stability that it isn't re-traumatizing and uncontained. Disclosures that are shared too soon or have "gory details" are re-traumatizing and counter-intuitive to their recovery process.
Why: So that the partner can have all the information they need to make the best decision for themselves and their family to feel safe, emotionally or physically. And so the addict can let go of secrets that could carry shame into their recovery and the future of the relationship, putting either at risk for relapse and destruction. Truth and Honesty = Transparency. There is no love without respect, and there is no respect without honesty.
Where: In a therapist's office with both partners and both therapists present.